Back in the autumn of 2015, I had an idea to research stories about special people from Buckinghamshire. I started out with good intentions, but as with all of these things, the twists and turns of life got in the way. At the beginning of this year, I began to think about what I might do with this project; the working title was Heroes of Buckinghamshire but it needed some good stories. Hadn’t got that far, when I noticed an advert from the Centre for Buckinghamshire Studies on Twitter, asking for local artists, musicians, poets etc if they would like to submit works for the Centre’s World War One Centenary Celebrations this year. Within 24 hours, I’d signed up to write and create new material for their events this year.
Are You Coming Home? After visiting the Centre and speaking to the archivists, I was touched by the fact the men who left this county to fight for our freedom, were just ordinary people. In fact, many of the letters I read between soldiers and their families indicated that they were ordinary people with extraordinary stories and courage. Before war, they did ordinary jobs, going about their business with little indication of what they may face or may be expected of them in the future. For those left behind, the uncertainty and longing was palpable through these letters; their eternal hope was admirable. And really that’s where this new song begins… I wanted to chart the fact these were real people, whose absence created a gapping hole the lives of the people and towns they left behind.
If you’re local to the Buckinghamshire area, you’ll notice in the lyrics, the line that states
“you rang the bells in the church by the pond”
I was talking about Haddenham at this point. It’s village between Aylesbury and Thame. If you get chance to visit the village, go and check out the church by the pond!
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Sometimes we wait and wait and wait, and then we wait some more. We begin to wonder if this is it? Will things ever change and move on? We all go through times when life changes unexpectedly. Dreams die, seasons change and we find that we are not where we thought we would be. Hope gets deferred while we go into self preservation mode. We become too scared to dream or hope for something new or dare I say, exciting. The scenery has changed to something we weren’t expecting.
And then we remember all the things that God promises, and for a few moments we know that God won’t leave the story like this. If anything, we know that God loves to show off and show how involved he is in our lives. This can’t possibly be all there is? Yet there is still some waiting to do. We wonder why we are still waiting, seeing no change but believing for good things. It’s in the silence that we really learn who we are. If we submit to God, our faith deepens and our vanity is challenged by his supremacy. If God loves us enough to let his Son suffer to the point of death and to hell and back again, then surely he loves us enough to restore the things that have been destroyed.
I have discovered on my journey through this period in my life that I need to prophesy hope to the dead areas of my life. To speak out positively against the crap and dead ends. To take each days as it comes. I suffered decades of abuse, divorce, failed projects and businesses that flailed, colleagues and friends who fled at the first sign of trouble. I hit rock bottom and realised that I was about to become jobless and homeless. I thought I would never survive yet somehow I’m still here taking each day as it comes.
What a waste, right? All those hopes, dreams and relationships gone to the wall. Maybe not. I hope not. Sometimes things have to die so that they can be reborn in a new way, a stronger way. Often a period of death is actually a period of transition to greater things. A time to grow and change in preparation for what is to come. Although I don’t know how things will turn out, I’ve decided to enjoy finding out! God often allows things to be removed from our lives so that He can replace them with greater things. The journey brings us closer to him and in line with His will for our lives. It’s not that he wants to see us suffer but rather that He wants us grow closer to Him, so that we become more like Him.
So on days when things seem hopeless and bleak, I remember that this is not the end of the story…
The best is yet to come.
Painting: Walking Towards The Light by Helen Sanderson-White (Copyright 2017 Helen Sanderson-White. Do not reproduce without permission).
It’s official: David Bowie is back in Aylesbury. But what on earth is he doing here? On Thursday, the town witnessed the unveiling of the new, long-awaited statue of Bowie by Andrew Sinclair which is situated in the Market Square. It’s an unusual move as Bowie wasn’t from Aylesbury, but in some senses his connection with the town is deeper than a residential address: his debut performance as Ziggy Stardust was at the town’s Friars Music Club during 1971 and 1972.
So why place a statue of a non-local musician in the centre of Aylesbury? In some senses, the Bowie statue is a small marker of a long history of music in the Vale. Friars was legendary for helping to launch many music careers, including The Police, Def Leppard, Howard Jones, Toyah Wilcox, Fleetwood Mac, Genesis and Marillion. The list goes on and on, and there isn’t enough space to list them all here! For twenty five years, the town forgot about it’s musical heritage. Friars closed its doors to the contemporary music scene in 1984 and apart from more commercial concerts at the Civic Centre, the music scene went quiet in Aylesbury. In 2009, the town woke up from its slumber and the Friars Music Club was reborn; interest from ardent fans and the closure of the Civic Centre meant that there was a hunger for music in the area.
I’m hoping that this is the beginning of something good for the Aylesbury music scene. One of the questions I have is, why not honour the musicians who are local? Most notable of all, would be Marillion, one of Aylesbury’s most famous exports. If the opening lyrics of their hit Kayleigh are to to believed, “Do you remember the cherry blossom in the market square?,” the town is embedded in their work. It would be good to see their music and local contribution being honoured. The Bowie statue puts the town on the map and further cultural exploits would make the area a music destination and bring in a new level of tourism and other musical activities.
If you’re local you may have seen the publicity stunt around the town yesterday. All over Aylesbury, the town boundary signs were changed to “Aylesbowie” to raise awareness of the launch of the statue, a gesture that made me and kids laugh a lot. It’s worked though as everyone is talking about it! One of children is hoping that the name change is permanent because it sounds more interesting!
The Bowie statue was controversial and created a lot of discussion locally. However we should be honoured that Bowie chose to premiere “The Rise and Fall of Ziggy Stardust and The Spiders from Mars” in the town and that we are part of pop music history. Maybe this could be the impetus Aylesbury needs to start taking its music heritage more seriously. It’s good to see the town’s music scene start to rise from the ashes and it’s time for more diversity of genre and new venues to spring up. Sometimes things have to die off for awhile so that they can be reborn in a new, stronger way.
You can watch the unveiling of the David Bowie statue here.
So here’s a new song that I started writing back in 2014. I finally finished it a few weeks ago after pondering over verse two for four years! I’m hoping it will be recorded on a new project and will be creating a demo of it soon. Im very excited as my Helen’s Angels Patreons are the first to hear this song – this is a world premiere folks!
I decided to go one further than the archetypal love triangle and write a love square! It’s about the interplay and regret between two couples and the history that they share.
I hope you like the song – I’d love to hear you thoughts on it.
To listen, click here to join the Helen’s Angels Patreon community.
I’ve been writing songs and painting since I was a small child. I’ve been around the block in the music industry over the last twenty something years and seen how it has changed and developed. I’d love for you to join me on this new adventure to create new music and artwork!
Patreon is a an exciting way to be come one of my angels and support my work through a small donation. Each month, I will be producing mp3s, videos, artwork and blogs to share with my patron angels! Once I have reached my goal, my aim is to produce a new EP, and then an album plus paintings and written musings along the way. I’ve previously produced 2 albums, 3 EPs and several singles. I also had a number one hit single with Do You Seek Answer in 2011 in the UK and Europe. Your support will allow me to work with other artists, musicians, producers and collaborators as well. You will be part of a unique fan club experience and receive all the news and new music before anyone else.
You can learn more about me and the Helen’s Angels community by my Patreon page.
Thanks for your support! Many of you have journeyed with me over the last twenty years, so here’s to new things in the next twenty years!
It’s a freezing February night and I’m sat in front of the fire creating some harmonies with the TC Helicon voice touch 2.
It’s Tuesday night and I decided to do an impromptu performance of Get Here by Oleta Adams! Enjoy…
We’ve all been there: stuck in a rut, frustrated, can’t produce anything new. Our creativity diminishes and we fear that we’ll never produce anything new or good again. There are two things you can do in this situation: firstly, rest. I can not emphasise how important it is for creative people to rest. A few years ago, I was told by a record executive that you have to keep going and produce new work all the time. “People always want something new to consume” he said. And that’s where I switched off. It is true that as an artist you need to keep some momentum, it’s also true that if you don’t stop you will burn out and lose your passion for creating music altogether. That is a far worse state to be in than just taking a few months off. The whole idea of producing for consumption does not appeal either. Art should be revered not consumed.
Secondly, do something new. Be brave and try something completely different that takes you out of comfort zone. Just because the route you were on has come to an end, doesn’t mean it’s the end of your creativity. Sometimes we need time to recalibrate between creative seasons. We change as people, which also means the way we think and do things has to grow with us. What we perceive as an ending, is actually the beginning of a something new.
So what did I do when my creative energy came to a grinding halt? Well I did eventually take my own advice and have a rest. It took some doing, I was convinced that I needed to keep going but in reality it just wasn’t possible. And you know what? I actually enjoyed having a break! I watched films, saw friends and did things that I normally don’t get time to do. And then.. I started to listen to all the music I love and remember why I fell in love with music in the first place. It’s important to remember that you get one life; spend it well, with the people who are important to you and doing the things that make you happy. Success can be measured in many ways, but it can also lead you to search for things that ultimately become meaningless in the course of life. You’ll make better art if you learn to enjoy life and get your priorities in order.
I also changed the way I write songs. I used to spend hours at the piano working at the magical moment when music and lyrics come together. I decided to write songs by just singing without the piano and seeing what happens; this meant that I could write anywhere. Then I went back to creating backing tracks and top-lining, something that I haven’t done in a long time. I gave myself small creative challenges, such as writing a short song in thirty minutes and recording it using vocal loops, (you can hear the song here). The return to simplicity helped free up my creativity and took the pressure off. Bravery came calling and I decided to release an EP of my demos (I still can’t believe I’ve let you hear them!) so that listeners could experience the live, raw element of songwriting (you can hear the EP here).
I also decided, after a lot of soul searching, to change the way fans can support my work. In the new year I will be launching Helen’s Angels which is a VIP club that fans can join and receive new music, videos, merchandise each month. More details about this will follow in 2018.
So what I’m saying is that there comes a time for all us when we have to throw our net over the other side of the boat and see what happens. It’s a game of trust that will lead to self-development. In letting go, we can gain new skills and experiences. So if you’re stuck in a rut, try something new!
Every time New Year’s Eve rolls around, I have two little rituals. Firstly, to have the biggest clear out known to man, which everyone in my house fears as I can be quite ruthless! It’s therapeutic to clear out the old in readiness to welcome the new. And secondly, that I exchange Bible verses and words with friends and family for the coming year.
Four years ago, a friend sent me the phrase “Do not be afraid”. On receiving this, I was non-plussed but rather excited about what might happen. Over the following week, I received the same phrase and some accompanying Bible verses from other people, one of which I didn’t know very well, so I was pretty sure that God was trying to say something to me. What I didn’t know at the time was that God was taking me on a journey, some of which I had not expected.
Over the next four years, God reminded me of words and dreams he had given me twenty years ago. A lot of these I had long abandoned as they didn’t seem to materialise and I presumed that I had got it wrong or that God had changed his mind. Nevertheless, throughout 2014 God kept telling me that he meant business with his promises and that he is in the process of bringing them about. This turned out to be an essential period of encouraging and building me up for what was come. However, sometimes for God’s plan to prevail we must be realigned with his plan…
Time rolled on and life became difficult and not what I was expecting. A drunk driver smashed into the front of my house and we had to move out in the middle of the night; we landed up moving house four times in fourteen months. Due to the endless moves and other issues, my business collapsed and on top of that a joint business venture ended when my business partner walked out. And the final straw came when my fifteen year marriage ended quite dramatically. It was a rock bottom time; I was abandoned, abused, ridiculed, homeless, and I left my marriage with two my children and £85 in my pocket. I didn’t know what would become of me. Looking back now, I can see that God was having a clear out out in my life so that he could bring me into line with his plans.
What sustained me through this period were the promises that God made me and his encouragement to keep going. Most days I just wanted to lay down and die, except you can’t really do that when you’ve got two children! You have have to keep going and as time has gone on life has improved. I’m still waiting on God to come good on some of those promises. One in particular has already come to fruition and came quite suddenly and unexpectedly. Sometimes to get to where God wants us to be, we have to allow everything to die, so that he can do a new thing. I’m looking forward to God doing new things and bringing about what he promised. Guessing how he is going to do it just makes it all the more exciting. Sometimes it’s good that we can’t see everything in advance. Through all of this, I had plenty to be afraid about: a court case, finding a job, relocating yet again, moving my children to their fourth school. But in the end everything has eventually fallen into place. And now I walk on into the future and wait for God to do the things he promised all those years ago… DO NOT BE AFRAID.