Tag: relationships

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There comes a point in every artist’s life where you come to a crossroads; a fork in the road, a separation from your current life, a change in scenery. Sometimes this change can be unexpected, unwelcome and sudden, and other times it can creep up slowly without us realising that change is taking place. 

Separation from people who we thought were for us can be painful. The saliant point here is that we thought these people were for us but in reality they weren’t. It may be they never had the same vision as us; we were mislead and distracted by something that they offered that on the surface looked good but ultimately wasn’t. Equally it may be the that season of running together has come to an end; some relationships have a temporary purpose but they are not lifelong commitments. It’s not that the relationship is bad, it’s just that it no longer serves its purpose and that both parties need to head off on new ventures and paths in order to find fulfillment and their God given destiny. 

The artistic journey can be lonely. Most artists experience being misunderstood or overlooked. They are considered to be dreamers, unrealistic, irrelevant or avant garde. Artists are prophetic voices in an impaired and self-absorbed world. They voice disturbing truths, they speak out against the injustice and challenge cultural norms. They are consumed by a message that they must convey and express in a unique and profound way. Change makers and pioneers rarely have a large group of close acquaintances; their friendship groups tend to be small as few understand and support the message that they carry. 

If we don’t let go of people who aren’t meant to be walking through life with us, we can miss out on seasons, experiences and relationships that are part of God’s plan. The wrong people may delay our calling, hinder progress or distract us from doing God’s will. This can lead to a detour that we do not need to make. Obedience to God’s plan can look like everything is disintegrating, whereas from God’s point of view, he is rearranging our lives to reflect his plan for us. With God, a loss eventually becomes a gain. Nothing can withstand God’s divine alignment for our lives if we submit to the changes that he takes us through. Certain things must end, so that better things can begin. As people leave, we make room and clear a path for the new; a preparation time for what’s to come. 

Not all relationships end well and that can be distressing; however, for God’s message of love to be spread further afield, separation is a good thing. In Acts 15:36-39, Paul and Barnabas disagree over whether John Mark should come with them on a mission trip, the disagreement is so sharp that they split up and head off in different directions. The result of this disagreement and separation is that the gospel is spread further afield. The disagreement led to a positive spiritual outcome. Jesus takes the difficult and unexplainable things in our lives and turns them around for our good. 

If you are going through a season of people leaving and line up changes, it might be that God is changing your relationships to enable you to grow, develop and go further than you can imagine. What seems like a period of emptiness could lead to a time of fullness, fulfilment, and contentment; a period of time where the vision is refined and honed. He is clearing out what is no longer useful or needed, so that healthy, productive relationships can begin. If you want the creative message you carry to go further, submit to the clearing out process and allow God to reshape your life, in doing so your artistic work will have a greater impact. Wait for the season to change and for God to bring the right people to you. People who care for you, support your vision and have your best interests at heart. With the right team in place, you have a promising future. Not everyone can come with you on the journey…

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Amazon has released a new film called You Hurt My Feelings starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies as an under-confident couple who struggle with finding fulfilment in their work. Julia’s character overhears her husband (Menzies) telling her brother-in-law that her latest book isn’t her best artistic work, and the revelation shatters her. The film details how the couple explore being honest with each other and learning to let go of their co-dependent affirmation.

Should it be a given that our closest loved ones like our work? Before I get into this topic, I want to say that there are no clear answers to this question. When God calls people together it is holy and sacrosanct. Each relationship is between those people and God. 

I meet creative people all the time who are surprised or hurt by the fact that their partner or friends and family don’t like their art. Thinking back over my relationships and previous partners, some were supportive of my creativity while others were not. Needless to say, the relationships where there was little or no support did not last. Why? Because we weren’t united in the same vision. To my cost, I learnt that we need to be running in this same direction, having the same ambition for the things of God. Without this, there will always be compromises that lead us away from God’s vision for us and the things he is asking us to do. If we’re called to serve God together, then we need to be moving in harmony together, and there needs to be unity in our God-given vision and mission in life.

If we constantly need the affirmation of other people, we are driven by our insecurities rather than our faith in God. The need for admiration and love gets in the way of why we are creating. Our focus should be on following Jesus as looking for affirmation will only lead to building our ego and not our faith. Accepting encouragement is good for our wellbeing, but an unhealthy need for validation can distract us. 

There are some positives about negative criticism: someone not liking or “getting” our work gives us the opportunity to evaluate and analyse the piece and learn from it. We can see the project from a different point of view, learn more about our audience and how to communicate with them, as well as analysing the message or media used. Our work isn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and this is a good thing because a small group of strong supporters is better than a large group of apathetic followers. Negative criticism from our closest loved ones is more challenging because it is hardest to hear from those we love. However, if the message is delivered to us in love and grace, we can benefit by reflecting and learning from it. We need to distinguish the difference between an unhealthy relationship that is hindering our calling and healthy criticism which sharpens and refines our work.  

Whenever we’re offered feedback, it’s important not to be dismissive but to filter what’s relevant and what’s not helpful. Finding a mentor or trusted colleague to review our projects with is a good way to gain perspective and grow in confidence. If your partner does not like a piece of your work, it’s not the end of the world but an opportunity for discussion. Loyalty is not superior to honesty, the two should work in harmony. 

Balance is a key factor to relationship stability. You’re never going to please everyone all the time. Learning to filter and reflect on criticism can lead to greater maturity and working relationships and helps us understand more about ourselves. Maturity is accepting that others are entitled to their opinion, whilst being secure in our own viewpoint. So should my partner like my creative work? If you’re depending on the praise to boost your confidence, then no, but if you’re settled in who you are and what you do, then any praise is a bonus. My personal feeling is that it is better to surround myself with people who will support and encourage but also be honest about my work, than to be with someone who always agrees, or worse, someone who discourages and is moving in a different direction. As artists, it is important to become resilient and use criticism to better ourselves, so that we can persevere and endure in our creativity. 

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