Tag: resilience

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Amazon has released a new film called You Hurt My Feelings starring Julia Louis-Dreyfus and Tobias Menzies as an under-confident couple who struggle with finding fulfilment in their work. Julia’s character overhears her husband (Menzies) telling her brother-in-law that her latest book isn’t her best artistic work, and the revelation shatters her. The film details how the couple explore being honest with each other and learning to let go of their co-dependent affirmation.

Should it be a given that our closest loved ones like our work? Before I get into this topic, I want to say that there are no clear answers to this question. When God calls people together it is holy and sacrosanct. Each relationship is between those people and God. 

I meet creative people all the time who are surprised or hurt by the fact that their partner or friends and family don’t like their art. Thinking back over my relationships and previous partners, some were supportive of my creativity while others were not. Needless to say, the relationships where there was little or no support did not last. Why? Because we weren’t united in the same vision. To my cost, I learnt that we need to be running in this same direction, having the same ambition for the things of God. Without this, there will always be compromises that lead us away from God’s vision for us and the things he is asking us to do. If we’re called to serve God together, then we need to be moving in harmony together, and there needs to be unity in our God-given vision and mission in life.

If we constantly need the affirmation of other people, we are driven by our insecurities rather than our faith in God. The need for admiration and love gets in the way of why we are creating. Our focus should be on following Jesus as looking for affirmation will only lead to building our ego and not our faith. Accepting encouragement is good for our wellbeing, but an unhealthy need for validation can distract us. 

There are some positives about negative criticism: someone not liking or “getting” our work gives us the opportunity to evaluate and analyse the piece and learn from it. We can see the project from a different point of view, learn more about our audience and how to communicate with them, as well as analysing the message or media used. Our work isn’t going to be everyone’s cup of tea, and this is a good thing because a small group of strong supporters is better than a large group of apathetic followers. Negative criticism from our closest loved ones is more challenging because it is hardest to hear from those we love. However, if the message is delivered to us in love and grace, we can benefit by reflecting and learning from it. We need to distinguish the difference between an unhealthy relationship that is hindering our calling and healthy criticism which sharpens and refines our work.  

Whenever we’re offered feedback, it’s important not to be dismissive but to filter what’s relevant and what’s not helpful. Finding a mentor or trusted colleague to review our projects with is a good way to gain perspective and grow in confidence. If your partner does not like a piece of your work, it’s not the end of the world but an opportunity for discussion. Loyalty is not superior to honesty, the two should work in harmony. 

Balance is a key factor to relationship stability. You’re never going to please everyone all the time. Learning to filter and reflect on criticism can lead to greater maturity and working relationships and helps us understand more about ourselves. Maturity is accepting that others are entitled to their opinion, whilst being secure in our own viewpoint. So should my partner like my creative work? If you’re depending on the praise to boost your confidence, then no, but if you’re settled in who you are and what you do, then any praise is a bonus. My personal feeling is that it is better to surround myself with people who will support and encourage but also be honest about my work, than to be with someone who always agrees, or worse, someone who discourages and is moving in a different direction. As artists, it is important to become resilient and use criticism to better ourselves, so that we can persevere and endure in our creativity. 

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Many moons ago I started writing a series of blogs about being a resilient artist but the time never seemed right to publish them. I even wrote out an idea for a business called Resilient Creative but life took over and the idea stayed in a notebook. Then the pandemic hit, the world turned upside down and changed the arts arena as we knew it. One evening I was chatting to my long time colleague and friend Rachael Forsyth about the state of the arts and we pondered on how we might recover as an industry. She mentioned some thoughts she was writing about, I mentioned the previous blogs and voilà, we had a book idea. 

If you’re struggling to get back into the rhythm of creating, then The Resilient Artist is for you. You may be looking to boost your creativity in some way, to find a new way of working or regain some areas of your art that have fallen apart. You’re not alone, many people go through a “wilderness” period with their creativity. It’s all part of the artistic journey. Life is full of difficult twists and turns; recession, divorce, death, illness, failed businesses and of course, the unforeseen pandemic. All of these situations are tough for anyone working in business, however the unpredictable nature of the creative industries can make this a lot tougher. For others it could be that boredom and lack of direction has brought you to a halt and you’re now not sure how to kick start your enjoyment of playing your instrument or picking up your paintbrushes. These “wilderness” periods can be confusing, disorientating and draining. They also give us the opportunity to assess where we’re going and what we want out of life and ultimately, our music. The trick is not to let the “wilderness” journey overwhelm you but redirect you. 

This book is designed to give you some hope that your setback is only a season and not a life sentence! Better times will come and eventually you will feel stronger from what you have learnt through this experience. There are plenty of ideas to get the creative juices going, and stories of how we overcame obstacles and found a new way to make things work. It’s always possible to recover from the pressure and regain a rhythm of working and performing. 

Whether you’re an amateur or a professional, this book has insights and tips on how to reinvigorate your creativity and regain your focus. Whatever season you are in, you can make a fresh start and discover the creativity within you. 

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Teaching diploma I AM 25. I am so not 25, you can add a couple of decades to that number. However, this month I celebrate 25 years of teaching music. At the end of August 1995, I went for a job interview for a teaching assistant post at primary school in Torquay. The headteacher told me that she didn’t really need another teaching assistant, but she had noticed from my CV that I sang and played the piano. None of her staff were musical, so would I mind taking on a teaching assistant role with responsibility for music? Well that was my “year out” job and the rest as they say, is history.

Nothing about my journey into music education has been normal. In fact everything about my journey is backwards from the traditional route. I went down the route of singing and piano grades as a child but due to various problems at my school, I didn’t take GCSE or A Level music, I went on to do a Theology degree, graduated and thought “I think I might do a music degree, I want to be in music”. I didn’t actually believe that I would get onto a music degree course, but 3 years later I started studying at Middlesex University and I did graduate! Traditionally, you need grade 8 on a instrument to go on to study music at degree level. I didn’t have that, I had grade 6 singing, grade 5 piano and grade 5 music theory, I’d been performing since I was 3 years old and teaching since I was 18. Sometimes experience opens more doors than qualifications. I often share this story with my students to encourage them; life can be messy and far from perfect but we somehow find a route through to where we are supposed to be.

It seems to be an odd time to be celebrating a musical milestone when the performing arts industry is in chaos, however, this milestone only happens once in a lifetime. The pandemic has changed the landscape of music teaching, but it hasn’t stopped teaching taking place. I am lucky that I have managed to keep teaching online and yes, it is different from teaching face to face, but I still get to help people develop their skills and find joy in making music. It seems pertinent to mark this anniversary as one era ends and a new era starts.

One of the challenges I have faced is the ability to keep going when life is broken. Resilience needs to be at the heart of any business, and on top of that, I have needed a high amount of personal resilience through the difficulties I’ve faced. One reason I feel that I am beginning a new era, is that I wanted to put right some of the things that had failed or not materialised in the past. Some of you know that I survived long term domestic abuse, and the devastating effect that it had on my life. To be fair, this blog isn’t the place to discuss the abuse that I suffered for years, however, one area of my life that was deeply affected was music. It was constantly taken away from me in attempt to hurt and control. I should have undertaken my teaching diploma 15 years ago, but I was never able to and it grieved me for years. Every time I tried to apply for the course, I was stopped and the opportunity was deliberately taken away. The more I fought back, the harder life would become. The pandemic really pushed me to look at how I wanted to end this year. Did I want to leave this chapter of my life having not completed something that affirms and consolidates the experience and skills of the job I have undertaken for 25 years? The short answer is no, I just couldn’t leave this season with unfinished business, so this month I have finally started my teaching diploma!

I really want to encourage you to mark the anniversaries in your life, however small, and celebrate your achievements, resilience and persistence. You showed up, did the work, learnt from the mistakes, gained experience and eventually reached the goal. Just because other people have the same achievements doesn’t mean you shouldn’t celebrate them; your own personal journey is special and precious. It doesn’t matter how many years you have been plodding away at something, long or short. My teaching journey has lead me to meet hundreds of amazing people through individual tuition, arts centres, further education colleges, churches, theatre schools, adult and children’s choirs, and music therapy with community groups. So this month I AM 25. Here’s to the next 25 years…